It’s never too late to understand yourself

Navigating life with late diagnosed ADHD - Insights from an Umbrella Hub member

Hello. My name is Jacqueline. Can you imagine a dyslexic person with a name like that?

It took me well into adulthood to learn that the ‘u’ comes before the ‘e’. Today I laugh about it, but I can assure you it has meant that my identity has been questioned many times. No more embarrassing than on government papers, passports, tax forms, and doctors' papers. These two letters have had a major impact on my life. Shame, avoidance, low self-esteem, never feeling worthy or good enough. I can go on, but I really want this to be behind me today... Today Jax will do. AJAX to many.

I have been asked by the lovely ladies of The Umbrella Hub if I would like to develop a group for us older girls. I am 66 and was diagnosed with ADHD only two months ago. I have no idea where to start, and I'm very new to this. I wonder how many more senior ladies out there hold the question deep inside. Am I ADHD? If that’s the case, you probably are. I don’t think a neurotypical mind would even think about it.

So, what holds us back from the key to understanding ourselves? Stigma, shame, and constantly being told we are depressed or super anxious. Being brought up by old-fashioned parents whose rights and wrongs are set in steel, where teachers still used the cane and doctors were seen as God and never to be questioned.

Are you feeling that life is getting harder to manage with its modern tech, and now AI is taking over our phones? Is it any wonder we bury our heads in the sand and just hide our struggles in this world with its growing demands?

I believe we are getting deeper and deeper into isolation, loneliness, and silence. We don’t share how we really feel in fear of rejection and shame. We develop strategies to protect ourselves from judgment. We become amazing people, going beyond the call of duty and putting our creative hands to anything. That’s ok, it’s called survival, but in the end, we are exhausted.

Memory can falter, and yes, low mood and depression can creep in. But that is understandable, and it is not because you are ‘stupid’. It’s not because people don’t like you, or because you can’t fit in, no matter which circle you try. It’s because you think differently, your mind never stops, and then the hormones come into play.

If I have touched any hidden buttons today, please respond to this blog. I have much more to say, but I don’t want to wear you out before you get to the end! I will write frequently. ADHD is difficult to manage at any age, but as we get older, it becomes more visible and is passed off as old age or dementia. It's harder to hide, and retirement isn’t always the promise we all expect.

I hope that this will lead to a group of women who learn to share together in a safe place over a coffee or even a quiet walk. Please reach out. Joining this group and seeking a diagnosis has reframed my life.

AJAX